Humorous Drinking Toasts 

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. 
Teach him how to fish and 
he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 

Here's to the women who love me terribly, 
May they soon improve. 

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been 
the foresight to know where you're going 
and the insight to know when you're going too far. 

Here's to it and from it and to it again 
and if you don't get to it to do 
may you never get to it to do it again. 

Here's to you, as good as you are. 
Here's to me as bad as I am. 
As good as you are and as bad as I am, 
I'm as good as you are, as bad as I am. 

May you have warm words on a cold evening,
a full moon on a dark night, 
and a smooth road all the way to your door. 

Here's to our hostess considerate and sweet; 
Her wit is endless, but when do we eat? 

Here's to lying, stealing, cheating, and drinking. 
When you lie, you lie to save a friend.
When you steal, you steal a womans heart. 
When you cheat, you cheat death.
And when you drink, you drink with us my friend.

"Here's champagne for our real friends, 
and real pain for our sham friends!" 

When we drink, we get drunk. 
When we get drunk, we fall asleep. 
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. 
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. 
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven! 

Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one. 
A pretty girl and an honest one. 
A cold beer-and another one! 

Best while you have it use your breath 
There is no drinking after death. 

Be one who drinks the finest of ales. 
Every day without fail. 
Even when you have drank enough, 
Remember that ale is wonderful stuff.

Doh! A beer! I want a beer.... 
Ray, the guy who buys me beer. 
Me, the guy who Ray buys beer... 
Far, the way to go for beer. 
So, I think I'll have a beer... 
La, la la la la la la. Tea?
No thanks I'll have a beer...
And that brings us back to Doh! doh! doh! 
-Homer Simpson 

He that buys land buys many stones. 
He that buys flesh buys many bones. 
He that buys eggs buys many shells, 
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else. 

You guys came by to have some fun. 
You'll come and stay all night, I fear. 
But I know how to make you run.
I'll serve you all generic beer. 

For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer. 
For every storm, a calm. 
For every thirst, a beer.

In heaven there is no beer... 
That's why we drink ours here. 

"There are many good reasons for drinking 
And one just entered my head
If a man can't drink while he's living 
How the hell can he drink when he's dead!" 

May the devil make a ladder of your backbone 
While he is picking apples in the garden of Hell.

Here's to holly and ivy hanging up, 
And to something wet in every cup.

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness 
Or as good as drink. 

Champagne costs too much, 
Whiskey's too rough, 
Vodka puts big mouths in gear. 
This little refrain Should help to explain 
Why it's better to order a beer! 

When money's tight and hard to get and your horse is also ran,
When all you have is a heap of debt a pint of plain is your only man. 

Don't ask for saucepan, jug, or mug, 
Down the hatch--drink it up! 

But if at church they give some ale 
And a pleasant fire for our souls to regale 
We'd sing and we'd pray all the live long day 
Nor ever once from the church to stray.

Pure water is the best gifts a man can bring.
But who am I that I should have the best of anything? 

Here's to the dove that flies above
and never sheds a feather
If I can't be with the one I love
I'll be drinkin' this stuff forever 

Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends,
With the sparkle of beer and wine;
May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends,
Than the foam at the top of the stein. 

May the Good Lord take a liking to you,
... but not too soon! 

As you slide down the banister of life,
May the splinters never point the wrong way 

St. Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland.
Here's toasting to his health.
But not too many toastings 
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good St. Patrick
And see all those snakes again. 

An Irishman is never drunk as long as
He can hold onto one blade of grass and not
Fall off the face of the earth.